How do I lead by example?

Nobody expects you to be perfect. However, coaches must all do their best to teach their athletes ethical behavior by setting a good example. An axiom in the coaching profession states that “coaches don’t win games, players do.” That may be true, yet regardless of your influence — or lack thereof — over a game’s outcome, you cannot deny the influence you have over a team’s personality. Your players will learn to act as you do.

If you display anger at them, they will return it. If you shout at the officials, they will know that is the accepted action. Having an ethical team that succeeds through hard work and dedication will start with your own behavior. If you believe you have trouble controlling your anger, perhaps it would be wise to designate a member of your coaching staff to work as a calming influence when he or she believes things are building out of hand. Have them watch for situations when they can identify the warning signs of anger, allowing you to keep your emotions in check. Your players will see you controlling your emotions and know that it is correct even if it is not easy.

Never demand anything from your players that you are not willing to do yourself. They must know that you are willing to follow the rules just like them. If you bend the rules, your athletes will not hold much stock in them. If you set a shining example and follow them to the letter, then they will see the importance of the rules and learn to obey them. At your first meeting, spell out the rules to your players and to their parents, both the rules you will follow and the guidelines for their own behavior. Some even resort to a written contract that outlines these rules and requires both the athlete and the parent to acknowledge their agreement to the rules.

Demonstrate each and every day that sportsmanship is crucial to a successful team. Do not show up another team’s players or coaches. Shake their hands. Wish them well and congratulate them. Thank the officials for their service, and be civil in discussing calls with which you do not agree. Do not cheat on the field of play, for this will show the players that dishonesty is encouraged.

Above all, show them your love for the sport you are coaching. These are, after all, recreational activities that athletes should be engaging in for the right reasons. Athletes are not stupid. They can sense your excitement. Therefore, they can sense a man or woman who is simply going through the motions. Go about your instruction with a smile on your face. Cheer on the players who succeed and encourage those who struggle. Your excitement will be contagious. A player whose coach loves the sport can’t help but share in his or her joy and determination.

A symbol of great leadership in coaching is not to pass blame on the players. You should be a firm believer that coaches should accept the blame for a loss. They should always laud the players and tell them they are responsible for a win. This is an easy way to build their confidence in themselves and their teammates, while learning that it is possible to accept the responsibility for failure and learn to put it behind you.